i’ve been so lonely lately. i think it’s a mix of the almost 11 months of not having you here and the ‘so-close-yet-so-far’ feeling of being with you in San Francisco in less than a month. and i can’t wait to finally be in your arms. to hold you. to kiss you. 

and i know you’re going through a hard time, and i don’t care if you tell me or not. but regardless of whether i’m the reason or if it’s something completely different, i’ll always be your rock. your shoulder to cry on. the person to go to when things look like it won’t get any better. 

you aren’t alone babe. 

i’m not going anywhere. i’m yours forever. 

you make me so incredibly happy Kayla.

I have a hard time talking to you sometimes, because you are so cute and I’m just happy that I get to see you everyday and sit on skype with you. my mind races but no words can come out. it helps to know that in only a few days, I get to have you in my arms where you belong. 

I want you forever Kayla.

You allow me to talk to you everyday, more than I have ever talked to and opened up to anyone else. I look into your eyes and I’m not intimidated or scared that I have to look away, because I know you feel the same feelings I do. I know that you want me, and right now I want you more than anything I have ever wanted.

I want to know you, every inch of you. your body, your thoughts, your emotions. everything. 

I want you to reveal some profound meaning-of-life secret that will ultimately bring us closer. I want to make out with you; kiss you so passionately that I feel like my mouth is on fire. I want to put my hands on you hips while we slow dance. I want to make lasting memories with you. I want to go on spontaneous road trips, driving nowhere.

What I really want is for you to surprise me by grabbing me from behind and just hugging me. I just need to feel safe and loved that way. And I never want you to let me go. I want to make out with you while watching the sun come up. I want to stay up all night with you, by accident, just because we were too busy talking to sleep. I want you to show me the world through your eyes. I just want you to be happy. And when you’re sad, I want to be the one to cheer you up. I want to know everything about you, and why when I look at you, my mind goes blank and it’s like the entire world stops.

and it’s just me and you.

I’d wait forever for you.

I love being able to make fun of each other, and laugh at ourselves. I love watching you smile and laugh; that’s when you’re most beautiful to me.

I’ve showed you the corny, cliche, dorky kind of girl I am. I’ve never showed someone this side of me. You make me want to be cliche and corny.

I don’t want to be the ‘guy’ all the time. I want you to take care of me sometimes. But I want you to know that I’ll always always always be here for you. I will bring you chicken soup when you are sick. I will cover you in blankets and cuddle you when you are cold. I don’t want to fight with you, but even when we do I know we’ll make up and be okay.

I want you to teach me how to cook. I will try to cook for you, but it will most likely end horribly… but I’ll try!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I just want to experience so much with you.

I just want to cuddle up to you and watch amazing movies, or maybe have a Harry Potter marathon (because you love them).

I want you to show me your favorite movies.

I want to go to dinner with you, a romantic dinner.

I want you to be my Valentine every February.

I want to buy you the perfect Christmas presents every December.

I want someone to fall hopelessly in love with, and you’re that person. I got to watch you fall just as hard for me. I didn’t have that same doubt about you that I feel about every other person. That secretly they don’t like me, or think I’m stupid, or can’t stand me.

You’ve made me a better person.

Our relationship hasn’t been easy, and it won’t get any easier. We’re two girls, who love each other. But I want you to realize that I’m not ashamed of you, of us. I don’t want the world to see our relationship as corrupted and wrong, when to me it’s the most beautiful and amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

And I can’t lose that. I love you Kayla, forever and ever.